


To Be Loved

by wishbts



Category: bts
Genre: Comfort, Crushes, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Jin is a heart stealer, Kissing, Love, M/M, Taejin are so cute, bts are all soulmates, pls protect tae, yoonjin are soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 03:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17256431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishbts/pseuds/wishbts
Summary: How Taehyung came to kiss and eventually fell in love with Seokjin





	To Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

> I originally started writing this fic because I was infatuated with Taejin and the whole ordeal of kissing. But it gradually grew into something more, something huge, something I still haven't decided where to head with. And this was supposed to be a part of that something until 5 mins ago when i decided at 3.05 am on a school night to get this out once and for all. Do enjoy! :)

 

The first time they did it was when taehyung was traumatized. It was after the recording for the episode of the rookie king where Jhope and he were forced to kiss on the screen. Infront of everyone. The members, the staff, their fans, their families. It was fan service, the staff had said. Purely for the enjoyment of the fans. To say Taehyung was traumatized was an understatement. Afterwards, he had felt repulsed by the very idea of kissing. It wasn’t because he had kissed hobi hyung. It certainly wasn't that he had something against his hyung but because he was forced to do it just for the sake of fan service... that his first kiss was meaninglessly sacrificed like that, that he hadn't gotten a say in it - _physically pained him_. He had always been the romantic, meaning to save his Firsts for _a special someone._ To do it with someone he actually loved, someone who actually loved him back. First Kisses were meant to be _cherished_ but his had been just... _wasted_.

On the same night, taehyung had laid on his bed, trying to clear his mind and his tears from his eyes. He couldn't sleep thinking of how wrong it felt to him. Couldn't get rid of the heavy feeling pressing on his chest. The members had felt the way taehyung's mood had worsened. They had all thumped his and hobi hyung's backs telling them that they did it for the audience that it was for the fans, just a fan service. Even hobi hyung had hugged him and had told him that there wouldnt be any awkwardness between them. That they all had promised never to speak of it again. His hyung then had smooched his head with such fondness and tenderness that it had nearly brought tears in his eyes.  He had nodded, keeping his eyes down and his lips pressed. He didn't want to be seen as a weakling. They had just debuted. It was for their very own first variety show. He squeezed his eyes shut trying not to let a sob out so as to not disturb his band members that were sleeping around him. They all shared a single room. He had made up his mind to forget about it all and endure it as a man. As he began to shift his covers better on his self, he felt someone stirring in the adjacent bunk. Shit! He had managed to disturb someone after all. Taehyung had stilled, pretending to be asleep so that he couldn't get the short end of the stick - getting scolded by one of his hyungs at the middle of the night wasn't something he wanted to experience again for the second time this week. He had held his breath, waiting for whoever it was to go back to sleep but he suddenly felt someone pressing down on his hand, taehyung had jerked away, trying to move but was instantly restricted and stilled by arms holding him down, halting his struggle. He had opened his eyes to see a shadow looming infront of him. It had taken him a moment to realize that it was Jin hyung who had him gripped in his arms. Two concerned eyes were peering at him from above. When it had become obvious that Taehyung wouldn't struggle or squirm anymore, Jin had knelt down, arms still pining down his body and had whispered softly in his ear, "Taehyung-ah, do you wanna talk?"

Jin had looked up to see his eyes, and the silence had decided it for them. He had gripped his arm and had soundlessly guided him out of their room and into the balcony. It was a shitty one room dorm, cramped and too tiny for all 7 of them but it was theirs and only that mattered. They had survived. They had debuted. All 7 of them were a team. One entity, one being. They were nothing without each other.

They were leaning on one of their numerous drying cloth stands. It hadn't gotten that cold yet but he had huddled close to his oldest hyung. Jin had broken the silence. "Is what happened at the set bothering you taehyung-ah?" Taehyung had flinched. Always straight to the point, yes that was who Jin hyung was. He never beat around the bush and was always straightforward. He also was the closest after Jimin, to whom Taehyung could be completely himself. Jin had known what had troubled him, like he always did. "It's just mhmm," Taehyung had murmured. He was too shy, too embarrassed to talk about it. He was 18, just 18!! And Jin wouldn't understand where he was coming from, Jin was cooler, more poised and older than him. He probably would think how much of a drama queen taehyung was being and so he had non-committedly shrugged. Jin had sighed, had pulled him closer into his side and Taehyung graciously had snuggled close to his warm body. He knew Jin was waiting for him to speak and so he did. Taehyung told him everything that was in mind, his worries, how it felt wrong to him, how he should act more maturely about things. He confided in Jin about his earlier fantasies of his First Kiss. Of how he had wanted it to be. He was 18. He had thoughts, he had wishes he wanted to make true. He had poured all of his frustrations out and his hyung had listened. "I don't want to kiss anybody ever again!", he had tiredly and sullenly said in the last. He was betrayed and felt cheated with. "Taehyung-ah, there may be other chances for you, dont give up on it", Jin had replied a little too calmly for Taehyung's liking and so he had snapped, "NO, you don't get to say that! You've never been forced on, you dont know what's it like and I am sure you're just saying that because you've kissed plenty of times and it doesn't mean anything to you!", taehyung had screamed back.

He had felt livid. Angry. Angry at the production team, angry at Jin hyung who had now tried making light of the situation. He knew Jin hyung hadn't meant it that way and that he shouldn't be talking to his hyung like that but _why couldn't anybody else see how much of a big deal it was for him_.  Maybe he was being dramatic. Maybe he was being childish, he could feel the anger bubbling. He was angry at himself the most.

Jin had tutted, as if in annoyance. And this had done it. Taehyung had snapped. He had grasped Jin's face and had pulled it downwards to his. He had planted his lips on his forcefully for 2 seconds before releasing. He didn't know what he was doing. He didnt know why. Jin had made a protesting sound, when his face had been pulled downwards before engulfing by taehyung's. It had all happened so fast.

"See? This is what it feels like to get kissed non-consensually", Taehyung said looking anywhere but at his hyung. All of his bravado had now vanished. He was just a kid, he didn't know what he was doing and now he had ruined things with his favorite hyung! He could feel tears prickling in his eyes. He was such a mess, he always ended up troubling others with his dumb issues. A finger lifted his chin upwards, interrupting his thoughts and he was forced to meet his hyung's eyes.

"Taehyungah, look at me", Jin hyung whispered softly. "I-I am s-sorry hyung-g I didn’t mean for it to happen I am so sorry-y hyung please forgive me", his voice cracked, he was a spluttering mess. The dam finally broke down and he was crying, fully sobbing. In hyung pulled him to his chest wordlessly engulfing him with his warmth and comfortable presence. He hadn't known why he was crying, was it because of the fear of losing Jin hyung or was because of his first kiss getting robbed? He didn't know, all he knew was that it had been more than he could handle and that he couldn't hold it in anymore. "Taehyungah, please stop hurting, hyung is here for you, taehyungah", the words were softly breathed out by his hair. Hearing them made taehyung cry more hard and he tightened his arms around his hyung. It had taken a quite a bit of time for Taehyung's sobs to quieten down into heavy breaths, for his body to stop shuddering. Afterwards, he had felt drowsy, undone, lost and he didnt know how he would've found himself again if not for the hands that were wrapped around his torso, his hyung who had been rubbing soothing circles on his back. He could now feel the embarrassment and his heart quickened into a crazy beat when he realized the magnitude of what he had done. Jin hyung would surely hate me now, he thought. But Jin hyung hadn't pushed him away, the oddity of this realization made him raise his head away from the crook of Jin's neck and looked up through his hooded tired, teary swollen eyes at his hyung. He met jin's eyes which held no sort of contempt only soft fondness that Taehyung had always found for his self. "It's okay, I get it that you were angry Taetae, don't be embarrassed for what happened between us. You only wanted a release, I am glad you found it with me", Jin whispered softly kissing his temple. Which only caused Taehyung to slightly tremble but he had nodded his head, yes he understood.

Jin had led them back to their shared room and had pulled taehyung towards his own bunk, spooning him with his back pressing snuggly against his hyung's chest. The small bunks were hardly ever comfortable enough to fit a single person but somehow they had fit in, squeezed tightly against each other. It wasn't an unusual thing. Members used to cuddle with each other fairly often whenever they wanted to seek comfort. And taehyung had cuddled with Jin hyung countless times before but this time it felt more... _intimate_. Maybe it was because he had shared a rather vulnerable part of his self with his hyung tonight, bearing his naked, unfiltered thoughts infront of another human being or maybe because of that kiss earlier and gosh, that kiss! - taehyung squeezed his eyes in embarrassment, praying that Jin hyung hadn't felt him gulping loudly. Or perhaps maybe it was because of the heat he could feel emanating from Jin hyung's body behind him, sweeping into his own, the calm rhythmic breathing he could feel faintly, or the way their limbs were tangled together under the blanket; it was a cumulative sum of all those little things that for the first time ever in his 18 years of living, did taehyung feel something fluttering inside him. He oddly felt like giggling, which made him frown because not an hour ago, he had been feeling miserable in his bed.

Maybe his old forgotten crush on Jin Hyung had returned! Shit, he mentally cursed. The first time he had seen Jin hyung in the practice room, on his first day at the company, Taehyung was positive that Jin hyung was easily one of the most handsome guys he had ever laid eyes on. With his muscular built, wide shoulders, broad chest and his tall height, he had looked beautifully intimidating compared to his own scrawny barely developed body. It had been difficult to warm up to Jin hyung in those early days. Taehyung remembered how aside from yoongi hyung, Jin hyung was the last one that had finally warmed up to him. And now he had actually assaulted him! It was a miracle no less, that Jin hyung hadn't gotten mad. He shouldn't have kissed him at all, and that too so impulsively! What the hell was he even thinking? He was just a stupid clueless 18 year old who hadn't even known how to kiss properly, Taehyung mentally chided himself.... _but Jin hyung's lips had felt warm...and pillowy against his_ \- taehyung brought his fingertips to his lips which were now tingling, this wasn't how he had felt with Hobi hyung at all...all he had felt was the sense of how wrong it had been. Even though it was just for 2 seconds, he had felt Jin hyung's soft- A sudden stirring behind him interrupted his thoughts as Jin hyung pulled him closer towards his chest, tightening his arms around Taehyung, nuzzling his nose into his hair. Soft tufts of breath on his nape finally disrupted Taehyung's thoughts and lulled him into a deep slumber.

 

* * *

 

 

 

After that it was common for Taehyung to seek out Jin hyung whenever he felt troubled. He'd go to find his hyung sitting on the couch watching a movie or playing a game and he'd sit by against him, wrapping his arms against his shoulders or waist and snuggle in. And Jin hyung would let him each time, smiling in reply and maybe stroking his hair sometimes. Jin hyung's personality for him was a comfort. A source of calmness. One glimpse of his face or a sudden sound of his windshield wipper laugh, Taehyung's misery would just fade away, as if all the tiredness and the worries would get washed away all of the sudden. He sometimes wondered if this is how the other members felt about Jin hyung as well. If this was exactly why Namjoon hyung liked standing by Jin hyung's side during photo-shoots and why he had once claimed that Jin hyung's personality helped calm his nerves. And maybe this was the reason why Jimin used to suddenly ask for Jin hyung's hugs, why Jungkook looked the happiest and the most relaxed while joking with the elder. He had seen how yoongi hyung was indifferent and reserved with all of them but with Jin hyung, he'd hold a soft and a gentler look, as if what they shared was something only they were entitled to. But Jin hyung was anything if not kind and loving to all of his dongsaengs, molding into different personalities to accommodate each one of them. He'd be the goofy joker with Hoseok and  the maknaeline, the university undergrad with namjoon and his philosophical diatribes, and a complimentary jigsaw muscle to yoongi's rough on the edges, soft on the inside personality. But for Taehyung, Jin hyung was an enigma through and through. A mystery that he couldn't solve however hard he tried. There were so many versions of jin hyung that the real one almost didn't exist. Even now as he was pressed against his hyung's warm sweaty body on the floor of the practice room, both of them equally winded out by the consecutive 3 hours of nonstop hardcore choreography for their new song, he couldn't stop himself from assessing what he already knew about his hyung. The sweat stricken Jin hyung's face, his flushed red skin, lips parted- the same one he had tasted, Taehyung blushed at the memory. So lost in his thought that he didn't quite hear what Jin hying was saying.

"Ya, taehyung-ah!", Jin hyung nearly shouted causing Taehyung to flinch. "Hey, you zoned out," Seokjin repeated softly, reaching his hand out to thread his fingers in taehyung's hair which caused taehyung to visibly relax if not a bit too red in his face. "You've been doing that way too much these days taehyungie...is something perhaps bothering you?" Taehyung's eyes subconsciously went to his lips, those soft shiny ones. _I want to taste your lips again, want to bite them, I want to shove my tongue dow_ \- taehyung shook his head violently, hot facedly, ashamed at himself and so he grumbled something out, got up and left a very confused, frowning Seokjin behind.

 

This hasn't been for the first time that it has happened. Ever since that night of foolishly kissing Jin hyung to take out his frustration, Taehyung had been feeling nothing but an increasing desire to kiss his hyung again. And coupled with his desperation of figuring out Jin Hyung and his façade, the need had ever so become more persistent, increasing day by day that it had nearly became physically painful for him. Taehyung had to exercise total control over his body to not jump his hyung's bones each time he ever so came within his sight. And so each time whenever Jin hyung had approached Taehyung for the last month or so, he had been nothing but a bubbling hot mess in front of his hyung. He wanted to not feel that way, it wasn't right for him to feel this way about his hyung, one of his closest confidante and one of his closest friends but he felt just so helpless. 

It was during one of their rare off days that Jin had enough of Taehyung’s weird behavior and had decided to confront his dongsaeng. They were having a Korean bbq party at the rooftop of their building but when Yoongi complained that they had forgotten the bbq tongs downstairs, Jin hyung had offered to fetch them, dragging Taehyung along with him. As soon as they were out of the sight of the other members, Jin hyung had Taehyung against the landing of their staircase and had demanded why Taehyung was continuously ignoring him, if whether he was mad at him for some reason.

 

‘’H-hyung no, why would I be mad at you,’’ Taehyung sheepishly murmured red facedly, definitely not comfortable with the close proximity that the two were in. Jin released a sigh of relief only to knit his brows in confusion a moment later, "Then Taehyungah, why were you ignoring hyung?’ he asked perturbed. Seeing the obvious confusion and worry in his hyung’s eyes and the fact that he knew Jin hyung wouldn’t let him get away this time, Taehyung looked down, his face red with shame. "Hyung you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just me who’s being weird", he had mumbled out words to the floor unable to see those eyes that were always full of consideration and compassion for him but he had filled them up with unnecessary worry. He had once again troubled his hyung without meaning to, just how dense and difficult was he? But then Taehyung felt soft fingers lifting his chin up, forcing his brimming eyes to meet with Jin hyung’s who smiled so softly and lovingly at him that Taehyung had to force himself not to outright sob under that gaze.

 

"Taehyunghie look at me, whatever it is just tell me weird or not, hyung would help", he softly said to him, taking his hands in his own. It was again one of their things, holding hands, anchoring each other, always reaching out to stabilize each other and taehyung almost let himself to smile. But he wouldn’t like me at all when he’d find out what kind of a pervert I am, about how hours after hours I have thought about that kiss, about how many times I had look at those lips desiring another taste of them. "No hyung you wouldn’t get it this time",he replied quietly  brushing off his hyung’s hands, causing such a hurtful look in his hyung’s eyes that tears did fall from his eyes, staining his eyes and Taehyung for the umpteenth time found himself sobbing infront of his hyung. Just how pathetic of a crybaby was he? He soon found warm arms enclosing around his shaking body just like he knew he would and he just couldn’t help himself croaking out softly against his hyung’s chest. He was sure that Jin hyung couldn’t have heard what he had said but as his luck would go, Jin hyung infact had, immediately tensing, withdrawing a few centimeters away from him to look at his blotchy face.

‘W-what did you say, Taehyungah?’ Taehyung looked up at the sharp tone and one look at his favorite hyung’s face, he knew that he had managed to fuck up his relationship with him for the worse this time. ‘’Is this what it was all this about? The kiss? Taehyung I already told you that time that it was okay and that I didn’t mind it all. Is that stupid kiss been worrying you for a month now? Is that the reason why you’ve been ignoring hyung and crying?’’ Jin was now looking at him incredulously that caused Taehyung to break out in a sob again, ‘No, hyung you do not understand!’, he hadn’t meant for Jin hyung to hear when he had croaked out the  _why did you let me kiss you-_  but now that he had heard him say that, he had no choice but to come clean infront of him so that he wouldn’t hurt his hyung, ‘I-I just……. I’ve been thinking about for a lot of time now hyung the kiss and that kiss with hobi hyung’, Taehyung scrunched his nose, ‘and I don’t know it’s just so stupid how I don’t feel okay about how at first I lost the chance of having my first real kiss and then you know?’, he softly rasped in his collar, afraid to not meet his hyung’s eyes, ‘and I am- I-I don’t know how to feel about the second k-kiss, which I _forced_ on y-you’, taehyung said peeking through his eyelashes shyly at his hyung who was looking at him intensely and Taehyung knew that he had been heard. This was what he shared between his hyung, the sense of completely getting understood and not getting judged. ‘So what do you suggest we do taehyungah?’, Jin hyung was patiently waiting for him to elaborate. His eyes traveled once again to his hyung’s plump lips and he blushed but this time the sudden awkward cough told him that he had been caught. And this had been an answer enough, as he hurriedly looked back to meet his hyung’s now widened eyes, he felt an odd amount of confidence surge through him. Not to have what he next wanted to say taken as a joke, Taehyung jutted out his chin squarely meeting Jin’s eyes and brazenly squeaked out, ‘Hyung, I-I want you to give me my first proper kiss’, instantly waves of embarrassment hit him and he knew he looked like a red blotchy tomato but he held his ground and fought hard to not lose the eye contact.

Jin hyung’s face had all sorts of emotions running through his face, from incredulousness to stark obvious confusion as the gears of his brain tried making sense of all of this. "You want me to kiss... you", Jin repeated out aloud causing Taehyung to hide under the crook of his neck and nod shyly, 'yes-s', before looking up to his hyung. Only to find his hying looking back at him with a soft smile on his face and a mischievous look in  his  eyes, "Taehyungha, you want to be kissed by hyung?", Jin hyung repeated. Taehyung nodded for the second time. "You want hyung to give you your first real kiss?", there was a hint of a smile in that question.

Taehyung knew that his hyung was plainly making fun of him, so he pushed him away from him, puffing his cheeks and crossly said, "yah! If you were only to  make fun of me hyu-", instantly he felt his shoulders gripped and his body forced, a protest building up in his throat getting miffed as a pair of soft lips met his forehead. Instinctively taehyung drew out a sharp breath before finding a holding at his hyung's coat. The warm lips stayed there for a moment or two before moving down to his cheeks barely separating the contact, "hyung wha-", a soft _shush_ from Jin hyung, finally relaxed Taehyung and he closed his eyes. He could feel Jin hyung's warm breath fanning over his face, his lips leaving a tangling trail over his skin.  His lips gently pressed over his cheekbones, his cheeks, his jaws, and his chin. So soft, chaste and warm in their work that Taheyung felt every part of him getting cherished, _loved_. He felt warm on the inside with a dreadful case of butterflies in his stomach. His breath hitched when he felt them just on the corner of his mouth before receding away. His eyes snapped open to look into Jin hyung's which were already hovering over his and he tightened his hold over Jin. Wordlessly Jin broke the eye contact leaned down and pressed his lips over his. An almost a sigh escaped Taehyung's and he could feel Jin's smile pressing on his and they stayed like that for a moment, connected as if sharing something fragile, pure. Jin hyung kissed him as if he meant it, slowly but surely moving their lips along each others taking taehyung's bottom one in between his own. Imperceptibly soft they were and taehyung was already _impossibly_ quite drunk on them. He knew that _this was it_ as he felt Jin hyung's thumb caressing gently over his jaw. _This was it_ when Jin hyung leaned back before resting his forehead on his. _This was it_ , he knew when he looked at an equally flushed face, the owner of which was smiling down at him softly. This really was it, Taehyung smiled as he leaned up to place a small peck on the older's mouth. This was it and they both knew it the fact evident in each of their eyes. The moment and the force by which how hard this realization had hit him, he was sure that this wasn't a mere crush.

"You can come ask hyung for a kiss whenever you want taehyungie", Jin whispered in his ear before going away, leaving a dumbstruck Taehyung behind. As he laid on his bunk that night, Taehyung for the first time knew he _was happy_.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

And ask was what Taehyung exactly did. After all he'd always been the obedient type. So they'd kiss. In between stolen moments, in secrecy and in recklessness. Sometimes he'd be the one to quietly walk up to Jin hyung whenever they were alone, in the confines of their rooms and mumble it in his ears, only to look up at Jin hyung  looking at him with mischievous eyes. "Can you kiss me, hyung?", he'd always quietly rush out under his breath and Jin hyung would just smile. Other times, during practices or recordings Jin would touch his arm, or look at his eyes for a moment too long as if in silent query and Taehyung would imperceptibly nod, red-faced before looking away. Jin hyung would make an excuse to drag him away to someplace quiet, softly attaching his lips to taehyung's and he would always find himself greedily responding. Almost with a feral need he'd chase Jin hyung's lips, sucking on them unable to let go, impossibly addicted to the taste of them. And Jin hyung would laugh quietly over his lips before leaning away. He'd look at the face peering down at him, eyes soft and a thumb rubbing soothing circles on his jaw and they'd stay like this for a moment after, breathing in each other’s air, heads resting on each other in an almost eskimo kiss, bodies flushed together, eyes never breaking contact before jin hyung would straighten up, help tame down taehyung's hair and would quietly leave with a kiss on the cheek. And taehyung would stand there, rooted to the spot, dazed and lightheaded and so full of contentedness and fullfilingness. The whole day a persistent obnoxious smile would stay on his lips, earning few weird looks from an exasperated Jimin, who'd pester him all day trying to get him to tell him the cause. But he'd never, only offering a boxy smile and a shrug in reply, leaving his friend more frustrated. Later, alone with his thoughts he'd think about each second of the kiss with brutal scrutiny, falling in love with jin even more so each instance. They'd never talk about it or even show that something even passed between them, jin hyung never treating him any differently. The only indication of the taste he remembered and felt on his lips would be the heavy look aimed at his way lingering on for a moment too long. Leaving him with a hitched breath and a blooming pink tint on his cheeks.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You may (most probably) or you may not see this becoming a part of that something one day. Do tell me your opinions and insights, I would love to hear back from you all as this is my first fic :')  
> https://twitter.com/btsblitz?s=09  
> I love taejin and I love y'all. Here's to a great 2019!!


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